Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
