I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
