I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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