New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
