She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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