get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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