I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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