these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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