hotel room ftw
Sry I called you an 8
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
