Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
