I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
