I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
