return my video game
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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