Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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