It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
