He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
