Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize