im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
