Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
