You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
