Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
