I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
