I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
