I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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