In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
