So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize