I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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