3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
