his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
