The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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