I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
