I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
