I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
