Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
That was before I lit my hair on fire
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
