I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
