I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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