I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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