you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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