if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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