he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
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