we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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