and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
