mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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