I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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