i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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