Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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