false alarm. still invincible.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
