Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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