his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
