why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
