Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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