Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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