I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
