I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
