apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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