I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
