Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
