No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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