hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
