we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I love having hate sex.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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