Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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