I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
