First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
