Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
