first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
